How to deal with guilt and shame.
Updated: Sep 13, 2021
You drunk yourself into unconsciousness or perhaps took drugs then you emotionally or physically hurt the innocents which stood in your way? Don’t wallow in self-hate and self-pity because this is the surest way to get back to exactly the same place, again and again. .
Self-pity it’s nothing but an excuse for refusing to assume the responsibility of your own life. Forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness from the ones you've hurt if possible. If that is not possible ask that from God or the Universe and decide that you will make up for everything by becoming the good and kind person you know you can become.
We are all dual beings, and we all have both darkness and light inside of us but understanding our mistakes and feeling sorry for them it’s a sign from the universe that we are much better than what we did, and we can do so much better.
Don’t allow such precious potential to be wasted by drowning in hate and disgust for yourself as negative thoughts and feelings can only bring negative outcomes and actions. Understand that we are all humans, and we can all so easily lose our way on the path of life and do things that we find it hard to live with afterwards but the simple fact of realising the wrongness in whatever we did is our proof that we can change if we so chose, that we can be better, that we are better deep inside.
The world will never change until we will, and we will never change until we’ll learn to analyse our actions not from a place of blame but a place of resolution, a place of strong will to do better, to become better.
Your father forced you to kill the puppy you loved when you were a child thinking that such an atrocious act will strengthen your character and since then, you have been chased by this image for the rest of your life. It’s time to stop seeing yourself as a monster because of that, it’s time to understand how small your part in it was and just decide to be a kind and beautiful person now. A person that will teach every child and person you meet on your path to be loving and kind. Because there's nothing more that anyone could ask of you and that could ever make you a more worthy human.
Allow the love and kindness of the present to wash over all the wounds of the past knowing that there are no better means for redemption.
You’ve engaged in illicit sexual activities that fill you with shame and guilt? Don’t wallow in it, just try to understand why you've made those choices in the first place and were they conscious choices, or just final acts of desperation, ways of running away from pain and loneliness? Whatever you'll discover that they were, if you don't agree with that way of living anymore, instead of judging yourself harshly and drown yourself in self-blame and self-pity, just decide to accept the past in order to be able to leave it behind. Decide to forgive yourself for whatever you did and also decide to start a new life in which you will make choices that you can agree with.
You've hurt and betrayed people you loved or even strangers? Don’t live in disgust and self-blame risking to do exactly the same when the opportunity arises again, just because you’re so disgusted with yourself that you think you cannot do better. You've disappointed yourself and your loved ones by making countless choices that didn't bring anything rewarding, but only pain and regret? Don't get trapped in a net of harsh judgments convincing yourself that you're not worthy of a better life.
Just ask for forgiveness first of all from yourself, because whenever you're living your life suffering for the past, you must realise that you are one of the people that you’re hurting the most and your inner being itself deserves the respect and consideration of being asked for forgiveness. Subsequently ask the same from everyone you've ever hurt, if needed or possible but do this without being attached to the outcome and without even expecting to get what you ask for.
You see, the people in your life have their own path to walk on and they might not be in a forgiving place, or maybe the wounds you caused are just too deep and still open. Accept that, accept also the fact that they might not even want you in their life anymore or that you might never get back the love that they once had for you, but don't make this the end of the world, as very few relationships, excepting the one with ourselves, are meant to be eternal. So, make as much peace with the world and everyone in it as you can but after that instead of focusing on the relationships that you cannot have anymore and cry over what cannot be fixed focus on the only relationship you’ll always have, the one with yourself trying to make it as good as you can as this is the only thing that could attract in your life new positive people and experiences. A bad relationship with ourselves can only attract bad relationships with others but the good thing about this is that fixing it is always in our power.
Work hard on knowing, accepting and forgiving yourself, understanding that the simple fact of having been able to become aware of whatever you think you did wrong, will make you a better person capable of better choices.
Make peace with the past and move towards the future with confidence understanding that you have it in you to become whomever you want. I know so many people that are living in a constant hell of regret and self-blame regarding their past choices, but then whenever the opportunity presents itself, they choose the same path again and again adding a new item on their self-blame hall of trophies.
Don’t hypocritically wallow in your past, blaming it, and suffering for it, while at the first opportunity you’ll make a very similar choice just because you think you cannot do better, as this is nothing but a messed-up excuse. We can all do better if we so choose but only after we’ve made peace with our past, accepted our mistakes, and took responsibility for them.
In conclusion whenever you feel tormented by the past don't allow that negative feeling to take control over your life causing you to make the same damaging choices repeatedly. Try instead to understand where those choices that you don't agree with anymore were coming from in order to work on that source and whenever the opportunity arises to make a better choice thus becoming able to change not only your future but the future of humanity itself as we are all part of a bigger whole and every action we take and every feeling we hold contributes to making life on this earth either better or worse for ourselves and for all other living beings.