My healing journey started around ten years ago when, after a childhood full of traumatic events and almost thirty years of continuous struggle with undiagnosed medical conditions such as ADHD, Generalised anxiety, and frequent bouts of depression which caused crippling psychological and spiritual sufferings. I got to a point where I became so tired and miserable, that I started seeing death as the only way out.
Not that the suicidal thoughts were something new, on the contrary, they had long been present and were deeply rooted in the ancestral patterns of my family tree as I was to discover later. But for me, this was the first time when I was feeling the daily temptation and compulsion to act on them.
Before this point, death had been a fleeting thought.
Now without any apparent reason, this thought became my best friend, my only hope to escape a reality where the pain of living had become so pungent that I would go to bed crying every single night, only to wake up exactly the same way the next morning.
I would spend my waking hours in the most miserable condition, pointlessly trying to distract myself from the pain through numerous distractions: chatting endlessly with strangers in online chat rooms, binge eating and aimlessly surfing the internet in an unsuccessful attempt to escape an inescapable reality.
And that was the beginning of my quest for healing and the main reason I am here today talking about it.
Soon after this point, I would experience the first pain-free moments of my life. Ten years on, I am living a pain-free life that never in my tormented childhood, or even in later years, would I have thought possible.
I have achieved this despite not having fulfilled any of my huge dreams for pain and suffering are not about wish fulfilment, but about inner peace.
And having attained it at the end of an arduous journey, I finally understood that this had always been the biggest missing piece of my life and the one thing that is most worth fighting for by any human being.